Background
Dreyfus, Edward A. was born on March 27, 1937 in New York City. Son of Herbert and Estelle Dreyfus.
(Offers readers a practical, step-by-step plan for seeking...)
Offers readers a practical, step-by-step plan for seeking the right mate, based on one's own personal growth and understanding. Dreyfus discusses how to overcome roadblocks to romance such as shyness, fear of intimacy, or unrealistic objectives. Strategies include listing characteristics a mate should possess, forming a plan for searching for a mate, and following through with the plan.
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(The book is divided into two parts and sixteen chapters. ...)
The book is divided into two parts and sixteen chapters. Part I develops the author’s overall strategy for find someone right. The strategy is based on the assumption that people can learn to choose more wisely and appropriately when they know what they are looking for in a mate. The first step toward learning how to make more effective choices is for the reader to have greater understanding of him or herself. The author suggests that most people seek mates based on incomplete self-understanding and unrealistic thinking. The first several chapters of the book take the reader through a series of exercises designed to increase self-awareness. Based on this self-understanding, one can then develop a list of criteria for selecting an appropriate mate. The next chapters guide the readers in preparing themselves for finding and meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right. The reader will learn to differentiate between whether they want a permanent mate or a playmate. There is a chapter dealing with shyness and learning how to overcome it. There is another chapter on learning how to flirt and how to read body language. And there is a chapter discussing how to go about deciding on where one should look for the someone right. Included in this chapter is a discussion of dating services and Internet dating. Part II of the book presents a series of individuals who used the strategies outlined in Part I. By presenting a series of real people with whom the reader can identify, one can have a sense of how the process actually works. In these chapter we meet six people, each with their own unique style, and travel with them as they embark upon a journey of self-discovery leading them to finding someone right for them. In these chapters we also learn that some people actually think that they want a permanent mate, when in reality they are looking for a playmate.
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(I am constantly hearing the lament: "Where have all the g...)
I am constantly hearing the lament: "Where have all the good men (women) gone?" The way people talk you would think that mates were an extinct species. In this book, I will be discussing the issue of mate selection in human beings and ways in which you can increase the odds of finding a "compatible mate." You do not have to be alone, and there is more than one partner for you if you are willing to change your attitudes and put in a little effort. You must give up certain myths, time-honored beliefs, and begin to take charge of your romantic life. Romance is no different from any other aspect of your life. It requires that you take the responsibility for making it happen. Your perfect partner is not going to materialize out of thin air and appear in your living room. You must develop a plan of action and then act upon it. Many folks are very sincere about their desires to be involved with another person, but are not committed to making it happen. Sincerity is an attitude while commitment is an action. Sincerity without action does not make anything happen. Let's take a critical look at some common myths about romance. Myth I. Luck is the essence of romance. Luck has very little to do with romance other than to maintain the illusion that we are helpless pawns in the game of love. Most folks engage in their search for a partner and then hope for the best. These people have no expectation of winning. Many people approach romance in the same way that they approach a gambling table in Las Vegas. They put their dollar on the crap table, roll the dice, and pray. Professional gamblers, however, do everything in their power to increase the odds in their favor. In addition, professional lovers do everything in their power to increase their possibilities of meeting the person of their dreams. People tend to pray, wish, hope and dream about finding their ideal mate, but they seldom develop a strategy or plan of action. They spend more time and energy planning a dinner party than the most important human relationship in their lives. Myth 2: Marriages are made in heaven. This myth is similar to the first one in that it assumes that relationships are preordained, out of the hands of ordinary mortals. It assumes that we do not have any control over the mate we end up with and that we must settle for those relationships in which we find ourselves. Human beings make choices. Many of them are poor choices. Myth 3: There is only one partner that is perfect for each of us. If this were the case, then it would not be possible for people to have happiness in a marriage after the death of a spouse. Clearly, since people do indeed find happiness in second and even third marriages, there is more than one potential mate available for each of us. Our job is to increase the probabilities of finding those potential partners. In order to find these potential mates, we must develop a strategy. Just as there is more than one house that we can fall in love with, there is more than one potential mate. If we increase the pool of available partners, we can then fall in love with any one of them. The trick is to set up our criteria, take appropriate actions, and then allow for nature to take its course. Romance and love at first sight, are integral to our fantasies about mate selection. We love to hear stories about how people fall in love. We love the notion of two people gazing across a crowded room, eyes meeting, and love is in bloom. More often than not, these people are in lust, not love. However, this is not to say that this cannot happen. However, it is unlikely. More often love grows between two people who have a common connection. It is the common connections that bind us, love then blooms in the soil of mutual interest, mutual respect, and friendship. What my strategy will do is increase the odds of this happening.
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(This was an unusual undertaking. It was published in 1976...)
This was an unusual undertaking. It was published in 1976 when the senior author was the Associate Director of the Student Counseling Center at UCLA. It was written in collaboration with undergraduate students at UCLA who are listed as co-authors of the book. Dr. Dreyfus provided the theoretical and structural aspects of the book while the students provided the experiential aspects. They did the research under the guidance of the senior author. It has been 35 years since the book first appeared. Many of the ideas presented in this volume are still relevant today. The book will be of interest to anyone who wants to deepen their understanding of the adolescent experience and understand what it was like to be an adolescent in the '70s.
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(It has been 40 years since this book was written. So much...)
It has been 40 years since this book was written. So much has changed in two generations, yet much has remained the same. The vast majority of what I wrote in 1971 is as valid today as it was then. The times have changed, but the issues remain the same. The ideas presented in this volume are as relevant today as they were four decades ago. However, there is one significant difference between the youth culture of the 1970s and the youth culture today. The youth of the 1970s was invested in social change. They were activists and many were considered radicals. There was the Peace Movement, the Women’s Movement, the Gay Liberation Movement, and the Black Power Movement. These movements galvanized the youth of the day and gave them a sense of purpose; it gave their lives meaning. The youth of today have no galvanizing force around which to rally. Hence, todays’ youth must look within themselves for meaning and purpose. And they appear to be ill-equipped to do so. Students are concerned for their future and the future of the world. How do they make sense of this world and their place in it? These issues are not significantly different from the world faced by the students forty years ago. The difference appears to be in how they deal with these social and political uncertainties. The youth of 40 years ago took to the streets; the youth of today withdraw into texting, Facebook buzz, and video games. Throughout the book I discuss the human struggle to live a meaningful life. Meaning is derived from the human connection and the commitment to making a difference in the world. It cannot be found through making money, accumulating wealth or material possessions. It is in the realm of interpersonal relationships and intimacy that I see the greatest differences between the youth of the 1970s and the youth of today. I believe that technology has so permeated the youth culture that it has adversely affected the human connection. Between internet dating services, Skype connections with strangers, social networking, text messaging, and interactive gaming, intimacy between human beings is being eroded. Youth today rarely engage one another except in sound-bites. Deep emotional sharing and commitment to social change has diminished. The youth with whom I work today have little understanding of what it means to truly connect. Their sexuality is less about intimacy than it is about a detached activity. Pornography has become commonplace and used in lieu of human engagement. The youth of the ‘70s craved intimacy; the youth of today don’t understand the meaning of the term. Their relationships appear to be shallow. What they lack in substance they attempt to make for in quantity. It is not uncommon to see the number of “friends” on Facebook to be in the 100s if not 1000s. It is not uncommon to see groups of young people at the local mall texting their distant friends rather than talking with the friend standing next to them. I see many young people wanting to revert to a more structured and simpler time with traditional marriage being viewed as the answer. Similarly, they seem to be migrating toward traditional careers. They seem to be trying to make certainty in an uncertain world. Alternatively, perhaps they have accepted that they will have more than one marriage and more than one career. Perhaps they have accepted that all things are temporary and that nothing is forever. In spite of all of the changes with which the youth of today have to deal, for many the meaning of life still eludes them. They continue to look outside of themselves for purpose and meaning rather than engage in the journey inward toward self-understanding. Nor do they seem to look for ways in which they can make a difference in the world. Perhaps it because they have had it easy; there has been no call to action.
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(Keeping Your Sanity is a compilation of essays designed t...)
Keeping Your Sanity is a compilation of essays designed to give people an opportunity to explore themselves as they come to terms with the various trials and tribulations of everyday life. These are the concerns faced by numbers of people, who are trying to gain understanding of their own behavior.
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(Keeping Your Sanity is a series of 30 essays divided into...)
Keeping Your Sanity is a series of 30 essays divided into five categories— relationships, compulsive behaviors, social issues, problems in living, and taking charge of one’s life. While each person has his own unique set of experiences, the general areas with which people struggle are similar. The issues that confront us have an impact on how we feel about ourselves and how we cope with life. These essays were designed to help us explore ourselves as we deal with the trials and tribulations of our modern and complicated life.
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Dreyfus, Edward A. was born on March 27, 1937 in New York City. Son of Herbert and Estelle Dreyfus.
Bachelor of Business Administration in Industrial Psychology, City University of New York, 1958. Master of Science in Education in School Psychology, City University of New York, 1960. Doctor of Philosophy in Clinical Psychology, Kansas University, 1964.
Clinical psychology trainee, Veterans Administration Hospital., Kansas, 1960-1963;
clinical psychology intern, Veterans Administration Hospital., Topeka, 1963-1964;
clinical psychologist, Veterans Administration Hospital., Palo Alto, California, 1964-1965;
private practice clinical psychology, since 1965;
partner, Alternatives: Divorce Mediation, since 1995. Clinical psychologist Kansas U. Medical Center, Kansas City, Missoury, 1961-1962, Kansas Reception & Diagnostic Center, Topeka, 1962-1964. Associate director Student Counseling Center, University of California, Los Angeles, 1965-1973, guest lecturer School Social Welfare, 1968, guest lecturer department pscyhology, 1969, instructor School Dentistry, 1971-1972;, assistant clinical professor Center for Legal Psychiatry department psychiatry Neuropsychiat.
Institute, 1977-1980. Field assessment officer Peace Corps, 1968-1970. Consultant, instructor California School Professional Psychology, Los Angeles, 1970-1980.
Field faculty Goddard College, Plainsville, Vermont, 1971-1976, Lindenwood College, St. Charles, Missouri, 1975-1976, International College, Los Angeles, 1975-1978. Presenter in field.
(Keeping Your Sanity is a compilation of essays designed t...)
(Keeping Your Sanity is a series of 30 essays divided into...)
(I am constantly hearing the lament: "Where have all the g...)
(Offers readers a practical, step-by-step plan for seeking...)
(The book is divided into two parts and sixteen chapters. ...)
(It has been 40 years since this book was written. So much...)
(This was an unusual undertaking. It was published in 1976...)
(This was an unusual undertaking. It was published in 1976...)
Clinical supervisor Southern California Counseling Center, Los Angeles, 1969-1988, board directors, 1975-1980. Vice chair board directors New Start, Santa Monica, California, 1992-1994, chair board directors, 1994. Board directors Kehillath Israel Synagogue, Pacific Palisades, 1994-2000, Jewish Community Relations Committee, Jewish Federation Los Angeles, 1996-2000, Jewish Family Services, Santa Monica, California, 1996.
Fellow American Psychological Association (division psychotherapy and independent practice, member task force on boards of psychology 1994-2000, member task force on psychology and the media 1995-1999), American Board Sexology (diplomate, clinical supervisor), American Academy Clinical Sexologists, International Council Sex Education and Parenthood of the American University.A. Society Clinical Psychologists (co-chair, co-founder Senior Clinicians Circle 1992-2002, newsletter editor 1992-1997, president 1994). Member American Association Marriage and Family Therapists, American Association Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (certified sex therapists, member executive board Southern California division 1991-1992), California State Psychological Association (chair task force on psychological assistants 1983-1985, member task force on the board of psychology 1993), California Association Marriage and Family Therapists, Los Angeles County Psychological Association (board directors 1994-1996, MCEP steering committee, task force on prescription privileges, Distinguished Psychologist award 1996), Academy Family Mediators, Group Psychotherapy Association Southern California (president 2001). Member International Coaching Federation.
Married Barbara Dreyfus.