My Son Diana: A Farce in One Act (Classic Reprint)
(Excerpt from My Son Diana: A Farce in One Act
Yesterday ...)
Excerpt from My Son Diana: A Farce in One Act
Yesterday I did my utmost to induce you to try your hand at snipe shooting, but it was of no use.
Louisa. My dear uncle, I confess I'm afraid of fire-arms.
Cul. Weak-minded female, how do you ever expect to get a husband?
Louisa. But, my dear uncle,everybody hasn't had the peculiar education you have thought proper to give my cousin Di'.
Cul. Aha! a god sound heart gymnastic education - no nonsense about it! My military predilection made me to long for a son - Fate though proper to bestow on me a daughter - I have, therefore, done my best to make up for the disappointment by rendering my daughter as like a son as possible. My poor wife made me promise never to allow Di' to leave home until she was married - I determined therefore, to superintend her education myself; and so, the moment she had attained her fifth year, I popped my son Diana into pantaloons, and there she has remained ever since. (Report of a gun heard without L. H. U. E.) Do you hear that? - the young rascal's out shooting.
Louisa. She's a first rate shot, I know; but she's utterly incapable of hemming a pocket handkerchief.
Cul. I know she can't hem, but she swims like a dolphin, she can leap a four barred, and as shooting, why she'll split a wafer at forty paces! What a soldier she would have made to be sure.
Louisa. There's one of her accomplishments that you've forgotten to mention; she's apt to use remarkably emphatic language at times. Yesterday, I distinctly heard her say -
Cul. What?
Louisa. Crikey!
Cul. A very mild and lady-like expression. The man who marries Di' will have something like a wife in her - she'll be as good as a husband to him. I've chosen for her a man, when I say a man I mean a man; none of your smooth faced exquisites, but the son of my old friend, Major Smith, who, if he is at all like his father, must be a thorough fire-eater.
Enter Mr. Septimus Smith, C. D. L. H., dressed in a very fast costume - a neat little black leather sack in his hand.
Smith. (speaking as he enters.) It's too bad - it's a great deal too bad to be letting of guns in this promiscuous manner. (perceiving Culpepper) I beg pardon. (intoducing himself.) Mr. Semptimus Smith.
Cul.(L. H.) What, my future son-in-law? Smith, my boy, come to my arms. (embraces him.)
Smith. (c.) Gently - don't squeeze.
Cul. Why, what's the matter?
Smith. Well, I'll tell you; I was just now walking alongside of a hedge voluptuously inhaling the morning breeze, and indulging in appropriate quotations from "Thompson's Seasons," when suddenly the report of a gun meets my ear, and straightway I receive a volley of small shot.
Cul. Where?
About the Publisher
Forgotten Books publishes hundreds of thousands of rare and classic books. Find more at www.forgottenbooks.com
This book is a reproduction of an important historical work. Forgotten Books uses state-of-the-art technology to digitally reconstruct the work, preserving the original format whilst repairing imperfections present in the aged copy. In rare cases, an imperfection in the original, such as a blemish or missing page, may be replicated in our edition. We do, however, repair the vast majority of imperfections successfully; any imperfections that remain are intentionally left to preserve the state of such historical works.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1332160581/?tag=2022091-20
